Love, Life, and Liquor: The Raccoon Chronicles
by S.T.A.R.S. Stunt Doubles REDUX
Summary: An AU based in a world where the zombie outbreaks never happened. Mostly focuses on the outbreak characters to start with, but expands to include nearly every Raccoon citizen over time. Mainly follows the romantic misadventures of Yoko Suzuki and Kevin Ryman, and the budding, off-beat relationship between David King and Alyssa Ashcroft. Rated M for language, and just to be safe.


_**A/N:** This was written as a collaborative effort between ResidentChevy(Me) and NotAvailable081606(Clarie). It's an Alternate Universe-style Raccoon City in which there was no zombie outbreak, and while it centers around the Outbreak characters, it will be branching off into several storylines involving other main characters from the series. This is a work in progress and we cannot guarantee it's going to be updated regularly. Let us know what you think. Leave a review once you've read it. Chapter 2 is mostly finished and might be posted soon, depending on whether I get around to editing it. Enjoy!_

**Love, Life, and Liquor: The Raccoon Chronicles**

**Chapter I: Obvious Crushes and Oblivious Lushes**

An alarm clock flashed 5:30 in bright red numbers, in time with the pulsing alarm it's owner had grown to hate with an undying passion. A muscled arm reached out from the seemingly endless pile of dirty clothes and various other pieces of junk that littered the man's bedroom, swatting at the off button, before giving up and yanking the cord from the wall socket.

Kevin and sleep would not be forced to part so easily...

And he was secure in that fact, for all of about twelve minutes, when the phone rang. Refusing to answer, he rolled over, trying to force himself back into a peaceful slumber. When voicemail kicked in, he couldn't help but smirk a little at his message.

_'Yo, this is Kevin Ryman, Your timing sucks, cuz I'm not here right now, but don't get your panties all in a knot, just leave a message and I'll get back to you when I can. Deuces!'_

_'Beep.'_

A small, meek and very familiar voice picked up next.

_'Um, Kevin...? Are you there...? I hope you didn't forget to set your alarm...you're gonna be late for work again...Kevin..?'_ the feminine voice murmured. Kevin's eyes instantly snapped open as he rolled around a bit in bed.

"Oh shit! Yoko!" he shouted, falling out of bed. He got up and crawled over a couple dirty magazines and his uniform, trying to get to his phone. "Where the hell did I put that thing? Goddammit! I'm comin' Yoko!" he called again, throwing things off of his desk.

_'Um, I guess you're awake already...Well that's good I guess. I'll see you later, I hope. Um, have a good day at work, Kevin. Bye...'_

_'Beep.'_

"Found ya, ya sonuvabitch! Yoko! ...Damn..." he sighed and put the phone back on the receiver. He then ran his hand through his brown, messy hair. After a moment's consideration, he picked up the handset again and hit speed dial one.

'I hope she hasn't left for class already' he thought silently as he glanced at his wristwatch.

Yoko was just about to leave when the phone rang. Already having a guess at who it might be, she had to keep herself from sprinting for the phone. She lifted the handset to her ear and spoke as calmly as possible,

"H-Hello?"

_'Yoko? Hey, sorry about before.. I was... brushing my teeth.'_

Yoko raised an eyebrow and smiled a little. Of course she didn't really buy that. She knew Kevin Ryman very well. Well enough to know he was sleeping in on a work day. Again.

"Oh...well...um, you don't have to explain yourself to me, Kevin. I-I just didn't um, I didn't want you to be late and get into trouble with the Chief..." she paused for a moment and bit on her lip a little.

"I don't want to seem like I'm nagging, I'm sorry," she quickly finished.

_'Meh. I understand completely Yoko. You'd NEVER lecture me, right? Right. So, you're gonna be at Jay's tonight, right? Of course you are! I'll see you there, sweetheart,'_ he finished, playfully.

Yoko's usually pale cheeks, flushed pink. "O-Okay Kevin. I'll s-see you then. Bye."

* * *

Toss, crunch, toss, crunch, toss, crunch-

"What the hell is it with you and those damn peanuts?" Alyssa asked the man next to her.

David turned towards her slightly with his "I really should get paid to talk to you" face set in place, his barstool turning no more than a centimeter in her direction, "They don't serve alcohol for another..." he paused to look down at his watch, "eleven and a half minutes. And I know if I make eye contact with you for much longer I'm going to turn to stone."

With that he turned to face the bar again, and that blasted basket of peanuts, picking one out with his thumb and index finger and, as per routine, tossing it into the air before catching it in his mouth with a resounding crunch.

Alyssa's eye twitched as her fingernails dug into the bar counter. "You're such an obnoxious asshole!"

David paused his torture briefly to return her glare. "You know...there are plenty of other seats in this bar..." Alyssa looked around the bar and scoffed, looking right back at David again.

"Yeah right, like where?"

"Like over there, next to Jim..." he started. Alyssa looked over at Jim Chapman, still in his subway uniform, as he looked back at her, smiling ear to ear at her and patting the seat next to him. Alyssa sneered and reeled her face back.

"Ugh! No Goddamn way! He smells like failure, he has no social skills, and ever since I walked in he's been staring at my ass like it's a Van Gogh." She twitched, whipping around to face an instantly cowering Jim at his table.

"I SAID CUT IT THE FUCK OUT!"

"Fine...What about Chuck over there...?" David tried. Alyssa looked over at where he pointed. There sat a short, stout man who was scratching his armpit absently.

Alyssa grimaced and shook her head. "The fuck would I wanna sit next to someone with eczema for! Scratching himself all the damn time...yugh, I don't give a shit if it's a medical condition, it's fucking rude."

David sighed before nodding over to another area in the corner of the room. "Then why don't you sit over in that corner over there. Alone."

"Because! Uh.."

Alyssa faltered for just a moment. She paused, wracking her brain for a reason as to why she shouldn't sit there. A-ha!

"Because I can't get a signal on my laptop there and I don't want to be right in front of the fucking air conditioner with my hair blowing all over my fucking face. Fuck that. I'm sitting right here."

David grunted, defeated. "Fine, just stop bitching already...Damn, you're high maintenance..."

"Damn straight."

The two fell into a relative silence for what seemed like an hour, but in reality was only a few minutes. The time finally came, and Will, Cindy, and a few less familiar waitresses started taking drink orders.

"What'll ya have?" Will asked, eyes gliding back and forth between David and Alyssa.

"Gimme a Corona." David grumbled.

"Cranberry Vodka." Alyssa murmured, waving him away, "And hurry up before that dickhead cop shows up."

* * *

Glancing down at his watch, David spoke,

"Hmm, that's funny, it's 20 minutes past... he should be here by n-" he was interrupted by the front door jingling open, as a sober (though probably not for long) Kevin Ryman entered J's Bar.

"Hey guys!"

"Hi Kevin." came the jumbled response from pretty much everyone in the bar.

Kevin made his way up to the bar and sat next to David, knocking his knuckles on his left hand on the surface of the bar, following with a series of hand gestures. These were a part of a secret sign language that only he and Will the bartender knew, though it roughly translated to 'Yo, bring me a beer!'

"'Sup, David?" Kevin said with a grin. Of course he was cheery, there was beer in his immediate future.

"Same bitch, different day," David shrugged, causing Alyssa to snap her gaze upwards to glare at the back of his head, trying to keep herself from ripping his scalp off by that damn ponytail of his.

"I should cut it off..." She hissed, causing David to look at her with a slight unease, obviously misinterpreting her statement.

"Oh, Lyssa!" Kevin said, not missing a beat. "I didn't see you there."

"Good to know I almost didn't have to talk to your sorry ass this time. Eh, maybe tomorrow I'll have better luck." Alyssa responded, words dripping with venom.

Kevin chuckled, oblivious to the fact that the reporter probably wasn't kidding, "Good one. Anyway, sorry I'm late, Irons was PMS-ing again today, told me he wanted to speak with me after my shift was over."

"So you're late because you were busy picking pieces of your ass out of Irons' teeth?" David smirked, and even Alyssa snorted a little at the mental imagery.

"Nah, I ditched his fat ass. I just had to stop and fill up the tank on the way here. Plus some old guy was driving like fifteen miles an hour in front of me the whole way here." Kevin responded rolling his eyes in annoyance.

"You do know he's gonna fire you one of these days." David said, trying to decide whether he was actually concerned or just felt like stating the fact.

"Hehehehe, yeah right." Kevin chuckled, turning his head at the familiar clink of a mug of beer being set down on the counter in front of him.

Alyssa grunted and took another swig of her cranberry vodka. As she rested her other arm on the counter she scowled.

"I'd have fired your ass on your first day. Tch, that Irons is a moron. If you ask me, he deserves to be stuck with you fucking up his force. He _was_ the one dumb enough to _hire_ your drunken ass. If he paid more attention to how he runs the God damned police force, instead of collecting all those crappy paintings and statues and trying to get into Elza Warren's pants-"

"Borrrringgg..." Kevin groaned.

"Like hell it is!" Alyssa snapped back, "She's the mayor's daughter! That shit's front page news! You serve and protect this city, dammit! You should give a crap about what's going on around here."

Kevin, of course, ignored Alyssa's opinion since it never mattered to him anyway. He took a giant gulp of beer and raised his mug up, nodding towards Will. "Anyway, you guys shouldn't worry so much. Irons'll never fire me. I'm pretty much the sole backbone of the SPF! Why, if it wasn't for my ass, there'd BE no Select Police Force. Heh heh, I'm so goddamn cool."

"How did you even graduate high school, let alone police academy?" Alyssa snapped.

"Alyssa, just give it up. He's a lost cause..." David muttered.

Officer Ryman, having already tuned them out, took a quick look around and frowned. "Hey, anyone seen Yoko? She was s'pose to meet me here tonight," he said, worriedly. She was usually never late to meet him...He quickly set his beer down and started for the door. "I should go see if the kid's alright..."

David and Alyssa stared at him, taken aback,

"Did that jackass really just completely forget he was gonna get plastered?"

As Kevin's gloved hand reached for the door, it pushed open and in front of him stood the petite Yoko Suzuki.

"Hey Yoko! I was just about to go lookin' fer ya!" Kevin said, beaming. Yoko's cheeks heated up fiercely.

"Um...hi Kevin...Hello David and Alyssa..." she trailed off looking back at the two at the counter. David gave a short smile at her and went back to what he was doing as Alyssa just raised a hand in a gesture of, "Hello''.

Kevin patted the woman's shoulder and led her to the bar. "C'mon Yoko. Let's have a drink. Your treat."

Yoko knitted her eyebrows together and smiled nervously. "You know I can't buy alcoholic beverages until next year, Kevin...but if Will let's me I can..."

Kevin chuckled and took a seat, gesturing for Yoko to seat herself between him and David. "You know I'd never do that to you, Yoko! Haha...so, how's things hangin'? "

"Well...today we went over the regions of the human brain and their basic functions... you know, the cerebellum, thalamus, hypothalamus, hippocampus, tectum, pallium-"

"Have you figured out how Ryman's able to function without one yet?" Alyssa asked, almost genuinely, quirking an eyebrow.

"Haha, good one!" Kevin said as if she'd been saying it about someone else.

"Anyways, that sounds great Yoko. So besides that, tell us about that boyfriend of yours! What's his name? What's he like? Is he hotter than me? That'd suck," Kevin griped.

Yoko gulped, uncomfortably, before looking down at her hands in her lap. "Well uh...I uh...ummm..."

"A boyfriend? You're DATING? How did THAT happen! Hah! This oughta be good, who's the schmuck?" Alyssa asked, obviously intrigued.

Yoko's face was redder than that of a tomato now. "H-He's not my boyfriend...He doesn't even know I like him...um, actually he comes to this bar a lot...and um, well, he's really funny and energetic..."

David managed to tear his attention off of his peanuts and beer to look at Yoko, knowing exactly who she was referring to. He then shook his head and muttered,

"Yeah.. I don't know what you see in him though, he's a bit of a loser if you ask me."

Alyssa then pushed her face into David's personal space. "WAIT JUST A DAMN MINUTE! YOU KNOW WHO IT IS?"

"Maybe."

"You've gotta be kidding me. I'm the best damn journalist in this shithole town! I should be the first to know this kind of shit!"

Kevin by this time was on his fifth glass of beer, still sober, and grinning. "I bet I know who it is."

Yoko quickly looked up at the officer. "Y-You do...?"

The officer slurped down another mug of booze and grinned. "Ahhh...Yup, I totally know who the lucky guy is. Yussiree," he inquired, putting an arm around Yoko.

Yoko's fists clenched a little, while she quickly put them into her lap, face burning red. "U-Uh...um...uh..." she stammered.

David shot a glare at the officer and slapped his hand off her shoulder, forcing Kevin's arm away. "Stop that."

Alyssa growled. "COME THE FUCK ON! TELL US ALREADY YOU PIG-HEADED ASSHOLE!"

David chuckled to himself, "Sounds like it's time to change the kotex..."

Alyssa twitched before whipping around and tackling David to the ground, "You fucking piece of-!"

David wasn't fighting back, but to his credit, he couldn't really feel Alyssa's manly blows, as he was overwhelmed by a giggle-fit. Erm, chuckle-fit. Shut up.

Kevin and Yoko both peered down at the two. Yoko laughed nervously, whilst Kevin still had his mug to his lips.

"Alyssa! David! This is a public bar! Go do the nasty on your own property, geez!" Kevin yelled, loud enough for everyone in the area to hear. "Someone really oughta stop this...like...a cop or somethin'..." he finished, incoherently

David and Alyssa immediately silenced, ceased all movement and shot Ryman matching death glares, their faces a similar shade to the reporter's pantsuit.

Alyssa was the first to attempt to rise to her feet, of course being in an embarrassed hurry, and having her foot hooked around her fallen bar stool, she didn't get very far...

The reporter clumsily slipped and in an attempt to save herself some embarrassment, grasped onto Yoko's pant leg for support, pulling Yoko right off her seat. The young woman yelped and fell forward, reaching for the counter when Kevin grabbed ahold of her and held her tight, to keep her from falling. Alyssa, however, wasn't so lucky, and landed right back where she started, much to David's dismay.

"Woah! You okay, Yoko?" Kevin asked, looking down at his friend. Yoko's face blushed once again, gulping and looking up at him.

"Uh, um, yes...Th-thank you, Kevin," she told him shyly. Kevin smiled. "Think nothin' of it, Yoko!"

Alyssa shot up, eyes a blaze of red. Red seems to be a recurring theme lately, doesn't it? "The fuck! Whatta 'bout me! I almost ate it!"

"Ah, quit whining, you cow." Kevin said in mock annoyance, "It's not like David didn't break your fall."

"Wait, where is David anyway?" Yoko mused in mild confusion.

Alyssa quirked an eyebrow, "What are ya, batshit? He's right h-" She looked down to where she'd fallen and David had vanished.

* * *

Meanwhile in the men's bathroom, David King was leaning over one of the sinks, splashing his face with cold water, trying to ignore that annoying little hollow buzzing feeling that seemed to occupy his insides like bees in a hive, or something. David was never really good with analogies, if that's what they were even called.

He couldn't remember when it started, but he just knew that his body, his mind, his entire self was turning against him. And it was all that bitch's fault. If it wasn't that hollow buzzy shit, then it was the cottonmouth, or the heat at the very pit of his stomach,

'Or you...' He thought, casting a glare downwards to his groin. Apparently the cool-down techniques weren't working as well anymore, 'You fucking traitor...'

Knock, knock.

"Umm, David? I-I know this is a private bathroom, but.."

Mr. King looked over at the door and then back at the mirror. He quickly splashed his face once more for good measure before walking over, pulling the door open just a crack. In front of him stood Yoko looking nervous.

"Oh, Yoko. What's wrong?" he asked. The woman frowned back.

"Um, I was just seeing if you were okay...um, David? Why is your face so red?" she asked, concerned.

David's cheeks built up more heat. "W-What? What are you talking about? They're not red!"

Suddenly Kevin's face poked into the door way. "Hell yeah they are!"

David scowled. "Get the fuck out my face, Ryman," he growled, shoving the palm of his hand into the officer's face and sending him stumbling backwards.

Yoko knitted her eyebrows together. "David what's the matter?"

As Kevin regained his balance, he tilted his head and stared at Yoko. He was starting to wonder why she was so concerned for David. Maybe... Ow. Thinking make drunk brain hurt.

* * *

Back at the bar, Alyssa frowned and massaged the bridge of her nose. "Gah! Why is my face all fucking hot? Goddammit Will you ass-monkey! Turn the fucking AC on will ya?"

When she heard David's gruff voice, she quickly looked over at the bathroom door. "Huh..? David...Wonder if he's alright..."

"...Gah! I don't give a damn!" she suddenly blurted, looking over at the nearest victim, I mean person. "STOP STARING AT MY ASS!" she yelled, decking the defenseless, but not altogether undeserving subway worker in his face.

"Ah!" he yelped, flying out of his seat.

* * *

George Hamilton stepped out of his car, turning around to make sure it was locked, then taking a few more steps before turning around to double-check the locks. Once he'd reached the front door to J's he raked a hand through his hair subconsciously, trying to remember if he'd left the oven on. Once he'd reassured himself that, no, no he hadn't left the oven on, he sighed in relief and reached for the doorknob...

...Only to be knocked flat on his ass by a scared skinny black man.

"FUCKIN' CRAZY CRACKA-ASS BITCH GON' KILL ME, YO!"

Once Dr. Hamilton regained his senses, and finished watching Jim run babbling into the night, he chuckled to himself, shaking his head, "I suppose that with Miss Ashcroft around, Raccoon Hospital won't need to worry about going out of business."

With a sigh, he turned the doorknob and headed into the bar.

Upon sight of the doctor, a certain blonde waitress squealed with glee. "Oh! Georgie! You're here! Come on in and take a seat! I'll be with you real soon!" she said, cheerfully.

George smiled meekly at the woman and went towards the counter, sitting a few seats away from Alyssa. After the divorce she'd been his closest friend. All the others in his rich neighborhood snubbed him off after his ex-wife's many attempts to drag his reputation through the mud, as if the divorce itself wasn't enough to make people look at him differently.

That night that he finally caved under the pressure, he'd gone to J's to drown his depression, and Cindy had sat down with him the whole night, this sweet woman he'd never met before, and told him to have courage and things would get better. She rubbed his back and consoled him, and told him with such sincerity that she thought he was a good man who deserved to be happy.

And then she walked him to his car after last call and left her phone number in his jacket pocket. He came back to that bar every day that week, and the next, until one day he got up the nerve to ask her out. She said yes, but...well that's about as much progress as they'd made. Well, she seemed satisfied with kissing and holding hands, anyway. Sweet, innocent Cindy...

"George?" Cindy asked, breaking him out of his musings.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm just a bit slow, it's been a long day..." George responded, shaking his head. Looking around, he raised an eyebrow.

"Hmm? Where are Kevin, Yoko and David? They don't appear to be around," he muttered. Alyssa shot a glare at the doctor.

"They're all in the men's bathroom, primping themselves up or some wuss-ass shit like that."

George blinked and returned her glance. "Oh dear. Yoko is a young woman. She shouldn't be-"

"Ahhh shuddup."

"Tch! Ooh! Don't mind her, Georgie! She's just being a frumpy grump!" Cindy mused, going over towards George. Alyssa scowled.

"Quite. But may I ask why? What'd Kevin do now?"

The waitress giggled and shook her head. "Oh no! Not Kevin. Kevin's been a perfect gentlemen tonight, oddly enough. She's upset with David," she replied.

"David, you say? My, what did Mr. King do to upset her so much?" he wondered aloud.

"I CAN FUCKING HEAR YOU, YA KNOW!" Alyssa snarled.

"Alyssa, you're a little on edge, why don't we try those deep breathing exercises I told you." George offered amicably,

"Oh FUCK this," Alyssa shouted, hopping off her bar stool, "I'm going over there."

Back over by the bathroom, Yoko waited outside for David to finish whatever he was doing. Kevin leaned against the wall with another mug of beer.

"Soooo, Yoko..." he began.

"Um...yes, Kevin?"

He took a sip of alcohol and then looked back at her. "Sooooo...Yoko...I definitely know who the mystery man is now."

Yoko reeled back a bit and swallowed a lump in her throat. "Really...?"

"Mhmm, I can't believe I never noticed it! I mean it's so obvious...Wow, like, right there in my face the whole time!" he beamed. Yoko brought a clenched fist to her mouth, her shoulders began to tremble.

"O-Oh, u-um, Kevin I'm sorry but I-"

"No need to apologize for being in love with David! I mean, he's a uh...he's...hm...well. He's David. I'm happy for you. But when are ya gonna tell him?" he asked, raising a dark brow.

"D-David...?" she mumbled, confused. Of course she didn't like David! Was Kevin really that slow? Oh... yeah... Forget I even asked.

"But Kevin I don't-"

"Psshaw! I won't say nothin'! In fact how's 'bout I help you hook up with him?" he suggested. Of course somewhere inside of him he was hoping she'd say something like, 'No Kevin, it's not David it's someone else!'.

He just wanted what was best for her. And David King certainly wasn't the ideal guy for his best friend. Not that he was knocking the plumber.

He squinted his eyes and looked around, shifty eyed. 'A plumber. She's in love with a plumber. Oyyy...'

As Kevin preoccupied his drunk little mind on that for a moment, Alyssa marched her way over from across the bar, shoved Kevin aside and slammed herself through the Men's Room Door.

"Hey! What the fuck is your problem, David? Caught your rag a little early?"

David shot up from the sink, whipped around, and stomped over towards her, with a dangerous yet unreadable look in his eyes.

Alyssa wasn't doing a very good job of not looking intimidated either, as he backed her into the opposite wall. His right palm hit the wall with enough speed and force to make her jump just a little bit, turning her head to see just how close it had hit.

When she turned her head back to ask him what the big idea was, she froze, noting that he'd leaned in so that their faces were only a few inches apart.

"Alyssa.." He breathed, expression still unreadable.

She had to summon all of her demon bitch power not to squeak out her reply, "W-What?"

His face remained unreadable for another few tense seconds, before that damn smirk played on his lips again, and he leaned in even closer, so much so that their noses were almost touching, before extending his arm to point to the left side of the room,

"If you need to take a leak, the urinals are over there."

No sooner than the last word had left David's lips and dissolved into the air, was a fist sent directly into the plumber's gut, courtesy of an embarrassed and furious reporter, effectively evacuating his lungs of oxygen, and leaving him wide open for the roundhouse kick that sent him into... well, through, the door of an adjacent stall. Thank God it wasn't locked.

"If I were you, I'd wash my hands before hitting the peanut bowl again, asshole.." Alyssa spat as she dusted her hands off, turned about face, and sauntered past Kevin and Yoko and back out through the men's room door.

If she'd listened closely enough, she may have heard a gurgle that sounded suspiciously like David saying "Worth it..." underwater.

* * *

"Okay, I'm lost," Kevin muttered to Yoko once Alyssa had stomped out of earshot, "Which one of them is the dude, now?" His speech was already beginning to show signs of a slur.

Yoko laughed a little at that, but covered her mouth with a fist to make it look like she'd coughed. Best not give Alyssa a reason to turn on her, too. As soon as she was sure Alyssa wasn't coming back, Yoko quickly ran in to help David up.

As she did, Kevin stood in the doorway, holding the door open and scratching the back of his head. He watched as Yoko looked over David worriedly and then how she gave the plumber a small smile.

'Those two do look great together now that I see it...Hey! What the hell are ya thinkin'! David has a giant stick up his ass, who knows how far his temper could get and what he could do to Yoko. Hey! Who said that..?' the officer squinted his eyes again.

'He's not that much of a jackass, well, to Alyssa maybe, but Yoko...I should go over there and hook them up, it seems like perfect timing...'

Kevin's teeth clenched a little. 'Hey! Just who's side are you on anyway? Obviously not yours you drunken bastard!' Officer Ryman gasped and reeled his head back, offended. "Why I never..." he slurred.

"Um, Kevin? Are you okay...?"

"Hey I don't sound like that!" he blurted out. Yoko raised her eyebrow and tapped his shoulder a little. The man looked down at her and blinked.

"Oh...Yoko...Heh, riiiight...heh heh heh..."

"Um, yeah...are you alright? You looked like something upset you...?"

"Ah, nothing really, I just..." He turned to look directly at her... well, down at her, since she was kind of shorter than him. Anyway, he noticed something that very moment, looking down at her, "Yoko...?"

"Yes?" She responded, looking back up at him.

"I think you've got a spot on your face... Here, lemme see..." he held out his hand to touch her cheek, causing her to shy back a little.

"Umm, Kevin, I think you've had too much to drink,"

'Aww, Yoko trying to assert herself, isn't she cute- wait, what?' Kevin squinted yet again. This was going to lead to one hell of a headache in the morning.

"And I think you should hold still and lemme get that spot!"

"Ryman, you're shit-faced and seeing spots, put down the girl... and your keys... and back away slowly..." David inquired.

"Nonsense!" he quickly replied, looking over at the upset plumber. "Watch me recite the alphabet backwards! Z-Y-X-W-uh V-U-T-" before he could finish, David grunted.

"That doesn't count. You practiced!"

"Heh heh heh, riiiiight..."

Yoko frowned a little and rested her hand on Kevin's shoulder, worriedly. "Um, Kevin..um, maybe you should go home. Don't you have work in the morning? I don't want you to get a hangover and get written up again," she warned.

Kevin smiled a little at the woman. "Whaddya talkin' about, Yoko? I'm immune to hang-overs! Been drinkin' since I was in sixth grade. Got a kidney transplant when I was a freshman...I still have the scar! Check it out!" he said, giddily, untucking his uniform shirt and going for his belt buckle.

Yoko quickly covered her eyes as her cheeks flared red. "Kevin! Just let someone drive you home!" she said abruptly afterward.

"Ahhh, I'll be fine. I'm a trooper, Yoko," he grinned, tucking his shirt back in. "Ya worry too much about me!"

Yoko grabbed onto her friend's arm and frowned. "Kevin, please go home...I'm worried..." she pleaded, sadly. Her dark brown eyes started to get glassy and seemed wider than normal.

Kevin looked down at her and managed to open his mouth a bit, taken back by her unintentional "puppy dog pout". It was undeniable for some reason. He couldn't say no to a face like that.

"Uuuuhh...Okay then, Yoko..." not knowing how else to respond. David couldn't help but stare as well. He'd never seen Yoko be so manipulative in his life. Then again, knowing this girl, she probably was doing that unknowingly. She didn't know HOW to be manipulative to begin with.

"Alright, alright, but one more drink," Kevin mused. Yoko frowned once more. "-To go..." he quickly added. She smiled up at him again.

"You're drivin' anyway, so I don't see why not," he said, stumbling toward the bar. Yoko followed after him. "Oh okay, um, can you give me your keys please?"

Kevin started chugging down on another pint before digging in his pocket soon afterward. Some shuffling and jingling later, he pulled them out. Yoko reached for them but he chuckled and pulled them up above his head.

Yoko got onto the tips of her toes and tried grabbing them but failed, obviously. "Kevin, that's not fair..."

Kevin chuckled a little, still drinking down his booze. He sat up on the stool and kept his arm up. "Heh heh heh...c'mon! You can-hic-Do it! Jump higher! Get to it, shortstuff!"

Yoko tried again and sighed, defeated. The officer finished his drink and lowered his hand, handing over the car keys. He then gave her one of his cute, lop-sided grins and ruffled her hair a little bit. "I'm just kiddin' Yoko," he told her.

Yoko took the keys with her left hand and fixed her hair with her right, her cheeks still a shade of hot pink, "I know.."

* * *

Not too far away, just outside the men's room door, Alyssa was analyzing their exchange with a confused and slightly horrified look of realization playing on her features.

And as Yoko led the increasingly drunk officer out the door, she finally managed to pry a sentence from her throat,

"...gotta be fucking shittin' me..."

"Ahh, you finally get it?" David asked as he stopped to stand next to Alyssa, attempting to discreetly wring the toilet water out of his bangs.

"Yoko's sweet on THAT dumbass?" Alyssa paused, and turned to look at David, eyebrow raised, "And why do you smell like a public pool?"

"...Because you- because, in the- because- GRGHH!"

And with that nonsensical string of almost-sentences, David turned on his heel and stomped out of the bar, slamming the door behind him.

"What the fuck did I do?" griped Alyssa obliviously, and before she knew it, she was following the plumber out the door, leaving J's Bar in peace for the night. This was doubly true for Cindy, who was in the middle of a very nice daydream, and thinking out loud, apparently. Very loud.

"Oh, George.. I want you."

"Want me to what?" George turned around slowly, quirking an eyebrow in confusion.

"Ohh nevermind." She huffed, trying not to look or sound disappointed.

Unnoticed at the far corner of the bar by the jukebox, Off-duty security guard Mark Wilkins lets out a long sigh, shaking his head at the balding security guard seated to his left,

"Yah know Bob, we really need ta find somewhere else ta drink..."

**To Be Continued...**


End file.
